my thoughts... my songs...

Posted by greza at 11:57 PM on January 11, 2005 as a stickied post.

For every song there is a mood, for every mood there is a song. If it sounds like one of life's attempts at balance, that's exactly what it is. But more than that, it is knowing that there is always a song to validate, mock or cheer on your perspective of human existence. In some weird way, these songs become the friends who won't flake out on you, the lover who always knows what to say, the mother who harasses your ass but gives you beer money anyway. Well yeah, life is good... Life is good.

lets sing

I Am...

Posted by greza at 03:03 PM on October 2, 2005.

I am the kid who makes people’s faces light up every time my mother brings me to the “masiao center” in Colon. I often give out the next day’s winning combination.

I am the classmate whose birthday parties everyone looks forward to.

I am the soccer player who makes sure that my name appears last on the substitution list… hoping I never get to play. I just want the uniform.

I am the classmate who always carries my camera wherever I go, snapping pictures away.

I am the C.A.T. official who takes shelter in the school canteen while the rest are under the scorching heat of the sun.

I am the classmate whom they thought lived a perfect life and was envied by many. They just don’t know I’m more envious of them than they are of me.

I am the student who filed for LOA because my father grounded me for passing only PE on my second semester at UP.

I am the newbie who caught nothing but curious stares when I wore the school uniform on the Monday of exam week (when everyone else was wearing casual clothes).

I am the failure who, for the first time, stood up in front of many people to sing in a friend’s funeral, only to find out I can’t carry the tune because I was too devastated to do so. I will never try to do this again.

I am the girl who is always ridiculed about being fat. Most of the time I let it pass but there are just times that it gets into my nerves. Especially if it’s from a kid whose mother stands beside him as if cheering him on that what he’s doing is the right thing. I pity the child for having such a parent.

I am the person who tried not to care what others had to say. The tears made it obvious I failed.

I am the friend, who is anything but perfect, yet always trying her very best… efforts only to go unnoticed.

I am the person others believe they know, but they actually don’t… yet they have no qualms in interpreting me.

I am the dreamer who wishes for so much, tries so fuckin’ hard, but might as well have never bothered in the first place.

I am the person who saw that life isn’t just black and white but instead, is a thousand shades of gray.

I am the older sister who has taken the responsibility of being a mother and father to you. I hope I’ve raised you well.

I am the sister who would rather go hungry than see you starve.

I am the sibling who longed for an older biological brother.

I am the daughter who hasn’t spoken to my father since June.

I am still hurting after having received “just” a text message informing me of his wedding to a woman whom I didn’t know existed and was young enough to be my sister. A very important family issue over a text message? Talk about technology. Duh!

I am the forgetful who always misplaced the remote control… flipping everything over only to realize it was on the TV.

I am the employee who offers my services so much, but don’t know why I bother since I am bound to go unrecognized anyways.

I am the secret admirer who doesn’t wanna have feelings for you, yet dreams of you, wishing you knew despite not wanting you to know.

I am the one who hasn’t given up in trying to please the people who cannot be pleased.

I am the friend who goes all out for my friends… not minding doing more as long as all of you are happy. That is all that matters.

I am the girl who can’t look at you directly when I see you almost everyday, knowing that you don’t like me personally. I don’t know why but I’ve always wanted to be your friend. Am I not worthy to be one?

I am the chick who took a gamble and told you how I felt.

I am the special friend who really got hurt when you told me that you were falling for my best friend.

I am the person who forgives but never forgets. Once hurt badly, the trust is broken and can never be retrieved.

I am the person who wishes the world to be a better place.

I am, as of this writing, craving for Kahayag’s chorizo rice or better yet Handuraw’s pepperoni pizza.

I am that kid. I am that girl. I am that friend. Yet I am nothing without all of you.

2 sang w/ me

Sometimes

Posted by greza at 09:45 AM on September 26, 2005.

artist: The Carpenters

Sometimes, not often enough
We reflect upon the good things
And those thoughts always center
Around those we love

And I think about those people
Who mean so much to me
And for so many years have made me
So very happy

And I count the times I have forgotten to say
Thank you, and just how much I love them

******

i woke up crying today
i saw C in my dream
she was on a hammock...
singing "sometimes" over and over again
she was smiling but her eyes look sad
i wanted to go near... give her a hug
but it seems i just can't...

Oh God, i miss her terribly...

lets sing

I Can't Make You Love Me

Posted by greza at 02:20 AM on August 19, 2005.

artist: Bonnie Raitt

Turn down the lights,
Turn down the bed,
Turn down these voices
Inside my head.
Lay down with me,
And tell me no lies.
Just hold me close
And don't patronize,
Don't patronize.

Chorus:
'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't.
You can't make your heart feel something it won't.
Here in the dark, in these final hours,
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no, you won't.
'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't.

I'll close my eyes that I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right.
Just give me 'til then to give up this fight,
And I will give up this fight.

Chorus:

Ain't no use in crying, baby.

******

"I am nothing special; of this I am sure.
I am a common girl with common thoughts,
and I've led a common life.
There are no monuments dedicated to me
and my name will soon be forgotten,
but I've loved another with all my heart and soul,
and to me, this has always been enough."

- The Notebook

lets sing

As Tears Go By

Posted by greza at 02:02 AM on August 19, 2005.

artist: The Rolling Stones

It is the evening of the day
I sit and watch the children play
Smiling faces I can see
But not for me
I sit and watch
As tears go by

My riches can't buy everything
I want to hear the children sing
All I hear is the sound
Of rain falling on the ground
I sit and watch
As tears go by

It is the evening of the day
I sit and watch the children play
Doing things I used to do
They think are new
I sit and watch
As tears go by.

******

All these years, I've put up a "brave front."
I guess, it's about time I let everybody see the soft side of me.

I DO cry too...

lets sing